Tuesday, September 23, 2008

the Longing

the Lord your God is with you

Lying in bed at night with your eyes open,wondering if anyone is thinking of you. Searching for that one who will love you the way you need to be loved. Blinking back tears as you seek and then you hurt. Compromising for less than you looked for because you think you have to. Losing trust in everyone and everything. Grappling for the hope that true affection exists.

He is mighty to save

There is an odd hole in the human heart. Not one that you can see or poke your finger through. It is a deep and dark and empty place. It is this void that makes the poets fill their paper with words and singers spit out lyrics that become melodies that become hits. It is not something that is very talked about. This thought that every person is somehow broken. That, when you look clearly, life is merely a quest to fix the broken thing inside. And that most attempts to do so end in heartache and the cycle of searching repeats itself.

He will take great delight in you

This missing element inside each being is not as complex and confusing as it seems. She wants to be loved. He wants to be loved. I want to be loved. You want to be loved. It is as simple as that. And all of us desire a flawless and unconditional love that we can't seem to locate.


He will quiet you with His love

My view of God has changed alot over the past year. I remember the days I would feel sad and hopeless and I would hear a sweet whisper in my ear,"I want to fill that void you have. I want you for my own. Let me love you." This was the voice of God. He wanted to be closer to me than my family and friends. He wanted to have a romance with me.

He will rejoice over you with singing

For me and for all of us who long to be truly loved, there is a God. A God who whispers in your ear. A God who is protective of you. A God who will hold you. A God who promises you can trust Him and then doesn't let you down. A Zephaniah 3:17 God. A God who knows when to listen and when to speak. A God who adequately fills the void in hearts and satisfies the longing to be loved. A God who wants a romance with you.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Summer 2008


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A little over two months ago there was a girl in an airport.She is crying and hugging those around her. She cannot see what is about happen or even guess what will unfold as she heads off on a journey over the earth. She doesn't know that God, who has sent her on this journey, is about to change everything she is and everything she is about. The hands who have guided her to this moment in the airport will soon guide her into danger. The hands will toss her onto an obscure island in the Pacific Ocean. This moment, though she has no idea as she waves to the people she knows and loves so dearly, will change her life.












June 3rd- Plane ride from Jacksonville,Florida to Dallas,Texas




"Feeling scared. I can't help but cry as I think of all the people I left standing in the airport a few hours ago. I can't believe I am actually doing this. A trip to the Philippines to share the gospel in unreached areas sounded great four months ago. But, now I am on my way. I have been praying nonstop for protection from God as I sit by the window and look out into the blur of the storm. I am worried because I will have seven minutes to board my flight in Dallas thanks to the delay in leaving Jacksonville. If I miss my flight in Texas.... this could be bad. The flight attendant just asked if I was flying alone. I said yes but meant no. I feel terrified but safe at the same time. He's with me and so are the prayers of the ones I have left behind. That's all I can be sure about"












June 5th- Davao City, Philippines (Orientation)




"Long three straight days of flying. I am jetlagged and tired right now. But, I am safely here. Wow, the Philippines is different. The streets are insane. No traffic laws.Riding in a jeepney...thats different for sure...there was monsoon rain and the tires were submerged in water. Everyone's pretty shocked I am sixteen. There is fifty one college students and one highschool student-me. The missionary leader says I win the prize for youngest this year. I am holding up fairly well-not terribley lonely yet. Tonite we went out and ate chicken on a stick and gummy rice(gotta get used to that stuff-could barely eat it,ew). I have met my whole team. They all are friendly. We are in somewhat of a hostile tonight but tommorro move into tents. Ok, jetlag is forcing sleep on me. Can't wait for the next few days..."








June 6th- Davao jungle




"It's me laying my mat and sweatin a ton in the middle of the Philippines jungle. I am in a tent with Leah. I haven't ever been so hot and yet it is raining so hard. Water is coming in. I miss my family. Heard a message about Nehemiah tonight. Big things can be done in a short amount of time. Found out we are gonna do True Love Waits this summer as a team. Thinking about the twenty four hr prayer chain back home that Mom told me about. Wow, thats incredible.I wonder who is praying for me right now..."






June 12th-Camotes Island, Philippines






"Made it to Camotes. Bamboo huts and motorbikes. This is a beautiful place. The people here are so friendly and will let us in their home whenever we walk up.... This is getting harder... I am lonely now and feeling like God is very far away. I miss mom and home. But I belong here for whatever reason. Taught a bible study, the first one I have ever taught, on Matthew 14. Preached to myself. The storm rages huge outside and I am afraid but I hear a whisper saying,"Do not be afraid it is I"






June 22nd-Camotes Island,Philippines






"A typhoon hit. Very scary. Right now possibly another one on the way. Trees fell, one on the side of the parsonage. Been stuck inside because of it. I can't say I have been through a storm so loud and where it rained so much. Have met some people I am praying for right now. Bruce and Paul. Trying to take my mind off the storm."






June 26th-Camotes Island,Philippines






" Falling in love with a group of kids down a street called Tugas. Been teaching them bible stories. They are so poor and dirty and some of the babies are halfnaked. I wish there was something I could do...Today I had diarhea pretty terrible. It hit me while we were in Poro(the part of the island connected to us by land bridge) Not so good. Took a motorbike back to the parsonage. I feel terrible. I am pretty frustrated with the way we are doing ministry. Throwing tracts and shoving the Gospel down peoples throats. This feels wrong. Are we showing love or just pushing ourselves on the people? Is this God's love in action? I don't know what God is telling me but 1 Corinthiams 13 means something different now all the sudden If I have not love I have nothing..."






July 2nd-Santiago Bay,Philippines ( from resort-on vacation)






"God has humbled me. Inside me I am realizing how forgiving he really is. I was created to love him and for him to love me back and then for me to love the world the way he has loved me. Every person has a desire to be loved unconditionally. I am here to introduce that love and to live out that love tangibly so they might see my Saviour through my life. Wow, tall order. That is my thought in the hammock by the beach.Maybe when ministry is done right it is just who you are, not what you do."






July 18-Camotes Island,Philippines


"We have our last True Love Waits tommorro. I am sure there will be more questions that are tough to answer. Like,"is it ok to be homosexual?"(yes a kid asked that). Nobody warned me that I would be asked questions like that. It is all unexpected here on the field. oh random thought-is there such a thing as a missionary call? I think not. Didn't "go ye therefore" sum it up for us? Evaluating all I have been taught about missions and thinking some of it was probably garbage or maybe most of it. Whoa. My whole idea of God's global purpose is radically altered. "






July 20th-Camotes Island, Philippines


" 'If I were standing by the bank of the stream and some little children were drowning, I would not need any officer of the law to come along and serve on me some legal paper commanding me under such and such penalty to rescue those children. I should despise if I should stand there with the possibility of saving those little lives,waiting until, by some legal proceeding, I was personally designated to rescue them!'-Robert E. Speer"




July 23rd-Camotes Island,Philippines


"Things are wrapping up here on Camotes. The last bible studies and church services are being conducted soon. I will have a hard time saying goodbye but I am ready to see the family. Thanks for showing me all sorts of stuff,God.Never thought I'd be changed this way."




July 22th-Camotes island,Philippines


"Thinking about Liza,a dedicated lady from the church here, trying to follow up on all the bible studies we have began and people we have met while we have been here...could we have done more? will Liza be able to really follow up on all these people? what will happen to our studies and the kids we have taught?"




July 24th-Camotes Island,Philippines


"Block party! Wow. 200 people showed up including Tugas and ate and danced and played and talked with us at the church! This is a legendary day for us here on Camotes. I had so much fun. All our bible study contats showed up and even more people. What a night. I am crying right now, even though tonight has been great, because of Tugas. I looked into the faces of the children I have seen for weeks and taught bible stories for and just bawled at the end of the night at goodbye time. I hugged them over and over. I have fallen in love with them and their dirty hands and feet. Their beautiful almond eyes. They asked me a question that keeps me up tonight. My eyes are swollen and I cannot stop crying. The tears just roll from my eyes uncontrollabley. They questioned,'Who is gonna teach us now?' "




July 28th-Davao,Philippines (Debrief)




"I am planning to GO but willing to stay.I will go until or unless He stops me. No special call, just know theres a need and I know what God wants his disciples to do. That question that was posed by the children will haunt me for the rest of my life, but it was God's plan that they asked it. He is challenging me everytime I think of them. Gotta do Acts 20:24"




July 30th-Hong Kong,China (airport)


"I am about to get on the 13 hr flight. All I am thinking is when I get home missions will have changed for me. When I think missions I will think faces. Faces of hurting men, women, and children on Camotes Island. I will think of their faces daily. Especially the kids in Tugas. I must paint a picture of these faces for others so they too can in a small way be a part of what has happened to me. I am overwhelmed."






The girl is in an airport again. She is surrounded by her family and friends like before.But,this time she is crying tears of joy. She has returned home. But, now her heart aches within her for a country. For an island. For a people. She has seen suffering that she cannot forget. She cannot even try to be who she was when she got on the plane-but then why would she wanna be that girl again? Living in the Third World for two months has opened her eyes. She carries a huge responsibilty now as someone who has seen the faces. She laughs and hugs those people she has missed so incredibley. All the while she thanks the One who has brought her home. She prays her life is a symptom of His grace.




..now I was just a cupbearer to the King...(Neh 1:11)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Rotten yet cradled

Our team is reaching the end of our journey. With a little over a month already gone, we find ourselves trying to push for the finish with all the heart we have. There is so much we would like to do in these next few weeks. The hardest part is figuring out how to do the things we need to do, and want to do, effectively and unified.

I would say,if I am being honest, that this past month or so has taught me more about how not to do ministry than anything else. It has taken so long it seems to figure out what works and what doesn’t. A lot of tripping and stumbling. One thing I can say I have learned I will illustrate through a story.

After our first True Love Waits seminar,I didn’t blog about these feelings, butI felt fairly confident I hadn’t said anything the students would remember or had even listened to at the time. I was scared to share my age because I knew some of the audience would be older than me and might realize how unqualified I was to be in front as teacher….like,oh, yeah, they send the twelve year old up there to tell us to keep our purity..whatever, what does she know? And I couldn’t argue with that..what did I know? I wrestled with that for days after. I even considered asking Matt to have somebody do my lesson for me. I felt like I had nothing to offer- as a highschooler myself with the same weaknesses and struggles and heartaches. Then, over vacation in beautiful Santiago Bay, I had one of those moments.You know the ones I mean, where something simple that you were blinded to becomes amazingly clear.(random example-when the disciples discovered that they ‘ought to obey God rather than men!!’ No, really,guys? But when it became in their face and personal, even a truth as simple as obedience to God seemed new and bizarre and phenomenal) It came after talking with an American who worked as a teacher in Korea and was vacationing for a few days in our resort. We were talking religion and church backgrounds. I told him my story and got the part where grace comes in and I fall on my knees. It was then, while explaining my testimony of grace, that I realized what I had been running from would find me no matter where I ran. I could ask to sit out on the lessons, I could pretend I am not sixteen, I could act like I knew what I was talking about, I could fake confidence, I could trick the students into thinking maybe I had never messed up and therefore seem more worthy to teach them…but that would mean I was a dirty liar.Actually, I AM terribley unqualified and I stutter. I am too young and I ramble. I am inexpierenced to say the least as a teacher and I run out of things to say. But the glorious moment when I realized my resimay was absolutely dreadful was the moment of spiritual rebirth I longed for. This Saturday I began the lesson with a game. Guess how old Kaylee is. Then I gave my testimony. God took away my pride. That changed everything. And that is grace in action. I am now certain my message is not how wonderful I am because of Christ..my message is how rotten I am, but how forgiving Christ is. Rotten, yet cradled in the very hand of a perfect God.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Our team left San Fransisco(our home city) on thursday for a little barangai called San Jose. It was crazy far up a mountain and pretty secluded. The road up, on a jeepney, was ridiculous. I think everyone almost puked by the time we reached the destination. We stayed in a barangai hall, which is pretty much just a giant room and a bathroom. As soon as we got there we realized we were the main attraction..the hall had "windows" all around that were just rails that let air in. The kids from the neighborhood, sometimes sixty at a time, would hold onto the bars and just stare at us all day and some of the night. Awkward, maybe? Nope, thats the Philippines.

We met the neighborhood for the first couple days. Oneday me and a Matt and Leah trekked up a path leading farther up the mountain. Once we reached a little village, we had a bible study for about 15 people.There was a older lady with her five-month old grandbaby in her arms, rocking back and forth on her feet. I smiled and turned around to listen to what was going on in the study. A few minutes later, I turned around again and the lady was still on her feet as the baby randomly criedout and fussed. It suddenly occured to me that I was passing up an opportunity to love..I motioned to hold her precious grandson. She placed him in my arms willingly and sat down to attentively listen. I realized so far, over the past month, that love is not just a spoken word. It's not a tract. It's not a sermon. It's not a bible study. Love is sacrifice in any form. Sacrifice your time, desires, energy and love someone else. Jetter told me that people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Corny and I have heard that before but its relevant now.

The seminar was all day Saturday for juniors and seniours in the local highschool. Nerves got to me, especially at first, but I made it through the lesson. I was intimadated by the group of students looking at me, some older than me... I knew I was unqualified, but I was the one in front and I had to teach this thing no matter what. I taught about what real purity is and how you can regain it even if you've lost it. I told them about the forgiveness of God and His love. Looking back, I can't believe I actually did it. I haven't ever taught something like that before, especially not to my peers. In a foreighn country. Up a mountain. God carried me through it though.

So, its been a month. I want to think of all the things I have done now that I couldn't say I had done a month ago...
1.Woke up to roosters crowing incessantly

2.Bathed by bucket

3.Ridden a motorcycle

4.Ridden a motorcycle without a helmet

5.Helped teach true Love Waits

6.Watched a kid relieve himself right in front of me while I taught a bible study

7.Sang at a karoake bar

8. Looked up while bathing to stare into the face of an iguana

9.Eaten peanut butter for breakfast and lunch pretty much everyday

10.Seen a huge roasted pig being carried through a market

11.Washed my clothes my bucket(I'm not so good at it, they still smell a little after they're dry)

12.Seen a beetle kite(these gianormous beetles that fly were in the barangai where we stayed and kids would tie strings to them and fly them-no joke)

13. Ridden in a jeepney

14.Carried around my own toilet paper in my purse

15.Sang a Cebuano song

16.Seen a spider as big as my hand

17.Eaten fresh coconut

18.Had diarhea and constipation in the same day (...how does that happen?)

19. Been so tired of my hair(if its chopped off when I get back, don't be surprised!)

20.Looked out a window and found sixty plus kids staring back

Alright, peace. I'm out.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Surviving a typhoon...

Hey, guys. Internets been dwon for a few days due to a typhoon that swept across the island. I have never been in a storm so crazy. There were times, laying with my head against Sally's back in the parsonage, and hearing the winds blow outside, that I wondered if it would stop. Trees dropped onto the house and all around us outside. The roof leaked. We just tried to sleep. We were stuck inside for around three days straight. The rain poured and winds blew and trees fell..like Katrina. Geez. I was so terrified. But, the typhoon passed and now I can say that the rain has stopped. I hear there may be another one coming. We are right next to the coast so it was intense...please just pray for us. Your prayers kept me safe through my first typhoon in another country. I was so afraid mom had watched the weather channel and was worried, but all the electricity was off throughout the island, so I couldn't tell the family I was safe. I don't have time for details, but the roads now look like huge salads, covered with trees and debris. God has sent us a way to practically help, I guess. Wow.
Our team is all well now, which is a praise. Our seminar got canceled sat., but we are trying for this sat. again. Still hiking and talking and now we are planning to travel out of camotes quite a bit until we have to go back to debrief in Davao. I don't know how much I will be able to update. We are spending weekends away and some weeks in another island. Alright, going to say happy birthday to my brother. (13,dogg!!) Love you all and thanks. Mom told me how you have been praying. I love you all. Will update when I can again.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Sweatin it out

Hello from the Philippines. Things have been crazy and I haven't been able to blog. I have to be quick, but here goes..
Okay, the man Paul who I told you about is reading a book I gave him called the Ragamuffin Gospel. He says he believes it and even though he is not "religious" he thinks the book is a good read. Keep praying. I see God moving with his life.
Pray for Poro. We have walked there twice or three times(it is about a forty minute hike in the heat..sweating my brains out). We are doing bible studies everywhere possible and openair stuff-giving away tracks and the Jesus film. But, we may travel to Poro for a week or so to minister there some more than we already have.
Last night our team had a talk about the way our first week in Camotes has gone. We all shared the conviction that we as a group had been trying to sell the gospel like a Hoover vaccum...meaning that instead of just telling the good news we feel we need to show it in practical ways. There are may ways, especially rurally, to show God's love. We know a lady who plows her giant filed alone while her husbands gone.... and we offer to do a bible study..see what I mean? So now our approach is going to be more practical. Our team expeirenced a huge moment of unity through that.
Carly is very sick with on and off fevers and is having to stay at the parsonage everyday and try to get well. Please pray for her.
The people are responsive to the Gospel and some have, just in the last week, come to know Christ through our bible studies. Pray for the islands new believers as we try and disciple them for the next seven weeks.
We visited the Mayor of Camotes on Monday to tell him what we were doing with the people and schools and make sure it was ok-he gave us his blessing. I was scared when we went into his office, but was reminded of Nehemiah chapter 2( I think it is) where Nehemiah gets favor from the king. Thanks, God. The Mayor said tell him if we need help with anything. Pray for the government here that the heads of the schools we teach at and the officials will be just like the Mayor.
I am learning missions is exhausting!!! By nighttime, after hikes in the heat all day and peanut butter sandwiches all the time, that I am ready to hit the mat!!! The climate is so hot!
Oh, quick story. I was in the bathhouse doing what I could to scrub up with the bucket and scoop and I look down at my arm and there is a spider the size of my palm climbing up my body!!!!! yeah, I was freaked out.
Heres some things to look for at a Camotes bible study:

1.Naked babies
2.Women openly feeding the naked babies
3.Chickens sqawking incessantly
4. Little kids without pants sqatting and peeing
5.Random farm animals mooing, bleating, yelping,etc.

I am loving being here, but I am scared of who I will be when I get back. I have seen so much already in a week that is disturbing, enlightening, challenging...I am changing to someone who is scarily aware of the worlds poverty, both spiritually and physically. I cannot go unmoved anymore. I must help the world. I am dealing with missions as a longterm goal lately. I just don't know yet. I am so different. My mind is completely turned upside down. America and Camotes Island are complete opposites. There is no way that you could see what I see and do what I do and not be moved and touched. Who will I be when I return? God knows the answer and I am just along for the ride.
I want to thank y'all who have been praying for me..I miss y'all. The prayers are working.
Oh, please pray for True Love Waits Saturday. I am teaching about keeping and regaining your purity and also presenting the Gospel afterwards. True Loves Wait is a great tool to teach the Gospel in these highschools. I am excited but nervous. Thanks everyone. I read your notes all the time. I love yall. I will write soon.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Di basta basta

I made it to Camotes!! I have so much to tell I don't know where to start.
We are staying in a church parsonage with a few local believers on our mats on the floor. But it is pretty nice-better than tents for sure. We are washing clothes and ourselves with buckets still but I am getting used to it...okay, my hair is always dirty but other than that...

The culture is so fascinating. They live in straw huts, but drive mainly motorcycles around everywhere. It is strange to see a hut and a motorcylce together for sure. The island is absolutley paradise. But, it is so hot and humid all the time here.

The first day Leah and Matt(my team leader) boated back to Cebu and talked to the head of the school system about True Love Waits. We are able to have seminars with the highschools every Saturday all day and teach them.

The team left behind on the first day had a two hour prayer walk around the island and claimed the land for Jesus through our prayers. Carly asked God to give us a sighn that he was here. Towards the end of the walk we were along the coast and ran into a British man. He is staying in Camotes and as he said,'trying to find the meaning of life'. We shared Christ with Him. He is Catholic by birth but he is doubting his religion. Please pray for Paul. There was the sighn.

Yesterday and today we have been trying to make contacts and build relationships throughout the island. The people are friendly and treat the Americans like celebrities. Oh, quick story(my time is limited in this cafe). Today we split in groups of three and hiked to different areas for evangelism. I hiked with Bobby and our wonderful translator Sally all the way to a town called Poro. It was about a thirty minute jaunt, but it was worth it. We introduced ourselves to a family living in the rural area. One man, Julius, could speak a little English. I handed him a tract. I explained the tract as best I could. His eyes were sad and he said,"I have made many mistakes' I told him about grace. Before we left me and Bobby prayed over him and his neighbors. We are going back to visit Sunday night. God is working in Julius's life and heart. Pray for him, please.
We had to meet the group after that so we started to trek back. Sally prayed someone would offer us a ride as the heat was so bad. Just then a motorcycle drove by and stopped. Turns out the dudes a christian pastor from Cebu on visitation. he offered us a ride. So..we said yes. My first ride on a motorcycle. Sorry, Mom. It was just so hot I couldn't say no. Me and Sally flew through the hot air and thanked God for the ride. It was awesome!!! I was terrified, but we arrived back in town safe. Oh, we have alot of services and home visits set up for the weeks ahead at various places all over the island. Sunday we will have church in the am at the local church we sleep behind. I am gonna sing a special with Sally, possibley in Cebauno. Hopefully I can learn it and they can understand. Matt is preaching Sunday so pray for him. Then we are going to do a house church or two. Oh, tommorro we are gicing testimonies to the highschoolers at lunch.

We are submerging ourselves in this new culture- praying to be accepted by the people. Today was Independence day for the Philippines and we attended their parade. It was super fun. I love this place! They put on these skits and dances and waved flags and sang. I was able to tell the head teacher of the elmentary what we were doing on the island. God is opening doors for ministry there as well (at the elementary school. )He is filling up our schedule rapidly!!

So, pray for the house churches we have started and the local church. Sofia is a sick lady next door who won't let us pray for her. Please pray for her. I know this alot of rambling but I have no time to think right now.

This is di basta basta. Not easy. But, rewarding. I love this island and the people and the culture even if I don't understnad it all yet. We have met an American named Bruce who wants to start a bar on this island. He wants us to come visit him too.

You should feel the breeze at night. You should see the stars from where I stand. You should see the faces of the village people on the outskirts of town. You should see the motorcycles whiz by. You should hear the roosters crow all night. You should meet Sally and Jetter(our translators). They are so on fire for God.

We have about four or five bible studies and things like that throuout the day. We are reading through some bios on missionaries which have challenged me so much. Yesterday, Pastor Mercado taught us from Matthew. I cried because he kept using phrases my dad uses when he preaches. I do miss my parents and all the family so much. That is the hardest I think. I also miss my friends. I have compiled a list of things you can send me when you get the chance.

1.Clean feet
2.A shaved head
3.Milk(there is no milk here at all anywhere)

God is moving so much already. The group is crazy pumped for the rest of the summer. I have been altered so much already. God is preparing me for something, you guys. I have learned nothing matters except the Gospel. I am being prepared to give up all I have for the sake of it. This is scary, but worthy is the Lamb. Your prayers are being answered. I appreciate them so much I just cry!! I love you so much for doing this for me and Camotes. People are searching for truth here. Most are Catholic and don't know the real Jesus.
Rewind real quick back to right before our boat to Camotes. Our team got to go to the Santo Nino where Magellans cross still stands. I watched people go in and out praying. They clutched the hand of the statue of Mother Mary. They prayed to her and held the ceramic hand for dear life. I felt sick in there. Next to the crowds gathered around Mary, there was a statue of Jesus hanging bloody on the cross with compassion in his eyes. Yet, we watched as the droves of Filipinos walked right past him to get to Mary. I could almost hear Jesus crying out for them. i did this for you. I did all this for you. I cannot explain what that moment meant to me. Okay, I am gonna go now. Everyone is waiting on me. Love you guys.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Maayong Buntag!!! Orientation and deployment

Hi, its Kaylee. Finally. I am in Cebu City in an internet cafe. We had four gruesome days of training.They put us physically mentally and spiritually to the test. After one night in a hotel(one star) we were driven out to the jungle in a jeep. And I mean the jungle. The boonies. From there we got a bag and a partner. A bag with a little tent in it. The first night in a makeshift tent out by a river in the middle of the Phillippines jungle was probably the worst of my stay so far. Me and my Camotes teammate Leah found ourselves at 2 am flooded by the heavy monsoon rains of the Philippines. Our bedding and pillows were saturated. I have never felt so dirty and wet and gross. We brought our lanterns out and looked around the tent to find our luggage all the way down to our backpack completely emerged in water. Wettest wet. I won't lie, I wanted to leave this place. It flooded so much for about 9 hrs I would say. All night. I probably slept two or three.I am still drying out my luggage.
Orientation included learning some Cebauno langauge and how to share with your people group. There were fifty two of us missionaries out there. We bathed and washed our clothes by buckets. Also, on the last day(yesterday) we climbed a huge vertical playground and I had a panic attack in the air. No joke. It was very high and I was in a harness but it was scary. Then I ziplined over the river from a station across the water. I loved that and did it twice. The games were meant to push us to the limits. They did me at least. We were trained also by a team who volunteers in schools and plays games with the kids and then in turn uses them to evangelize. Also, we went through True Love Waits Training with a counselor. The highlight had to be the five o clock morning wake up time. Nope. Overall, the training was awesome though. I met my team who I am with right now. We are boating over to Camotes in about six hrs. Right now we are just sightseeing.

I have never been so in awe of culture. The people treat us americans like celebrities. The children love us especially. Outside of a Mcdonalds in Davao the homeless would stand outside and do dances for us to see if we'd give them money. It was eyeopening. They sleep in huts and the villages are very poor. the land is beautiful. Mountains and beaches.

Oh, I will hopefully write in a few days from Camotes. Can't wait to see it. I am gonna peace out now. By the way, I am having the time of my life even though this is the hardest thing I have ever done before.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Day of

Well, the day is finally here. I am gonna have to sleep for a couple hours before I leave, so this will be short. I am packed. I am excited. I am nervous. Can't believe this is happening actually. It's good to be here. I could probably properly enjoy it if I wasn't in a fog of sleep-deprivation.

Tonight Amy and Emily showed up from Graceville as a surprise. Glad I will get to say goodbye in person. I spoke on the phone with Ashley,a good friend from Graceville, and we cried and said goodbye. Had a long powwow with Aaron, Micah, and Kaley and the family left awake in the house-which was pretty much everyone except Mom and Dad. I am gonna miss everybody a heck of alot.Today is gonna be hard. I can't think of anything profound to say right now. I just wanna rest. So, maybe I will. Later on I will get my last shower until August. I am gonna enjoy it too. I am going to write when I can at an internet cafe over in Camotes. Most likely once a week. Just pray for me through the everlasting plane ride over the Pacific! And that God would go ahead and be at work in hearts of the Filipinos so they'd be ready to hear the greatest message of their lives.

Wanted to post some lyrics of the song playing on my blog...I want this to happen to Camotes Island.

Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one
Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of
Jesus Christ the risen one
And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
And young and old will turn to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord
Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring your hope
Songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice
Did you feel the darkness tremble?When all the saints join in one song
And all the streams flow as one river
To wash away our brokeness
And here we see that God you're moving
A time of Jubilee is coming
When young and old return to Jesus
Fling wide your heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord

Sunday, June 1, 2008

12 am Monday- ready to journey across the earth

I have one more night after I (finially) turn in tonite- or this morning. I am tired but I wanted to get out a quick blog. Today was an interesting day all around. I found out that my dufflebag was so heavy I could barely lift it-unpacked and repacked three times. Downsizing stinks. But, loading a heavy bag around in hot island weather doesn't tickle my fancy either

Earlier tonight, at church, I spent my last service taking communion and getting things straight with God. I basically just told Him I was gonna try to trust Him completely this summer. And also that I wanted this summer to be special, different. Not just an emotional high, but a real life altering expierence. My eyes got wet as I drank from the cup and bit the bread. If He can die the way He did, I wanna live because of Him and for Him. I poured out my heart to Him. Just got real before Him. This is it, God. Me and You traveling across the world together. Help me tell boldy of the love I have come to know.
After church, I was in the parking lot of Sports Authority, getting sprinkled on and headed to the car. Bailey said,"Kaylee, look quick!" Above us was one faint rainbow and one that lit up the cloudy sky. I am normally not the type who looks at something and compares it to something spiritual. Alot of bloggers have a natural talent for this skill(anybody remember pluthpastor's 'weavils in my raisins' blog?) I don't consider myself very observant in that way. However, tonight, as I looked up at that rainbow, I thought about how the sky was so dark and cloudy but God shined through with a rainbow. Corny, I know. But, it was beautiful. I felt filled with wonder at God. He will never leave me or forsake me. That was a special moment. Luckily I had my camera and snapped a picture before it faded out. I am trying to say what I felt like God was saying through that rainbow to me, but I can't explain it. I was just so comforted.
Rainbows aside, I leave tomorro..which sounds weird because I haven't gone to bed on Sunday night yet and it is monday morning now...hmm..tommorro. whoa.
Oh, I am hopefully going to post some specific prayer requests on the blog before I head out for the summer. Maybe anyways. Tommorro is gonna be busy. Hope I get to blog, if not, talk to ya in the Philippines! Peace.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Four and no more






Today I woke up in Kaley's livingroom, in a chair, with her huge cat/lion in my face. (She graduated last night and I slept over. It was a good time.) I looked around and realized I had fallen asleep watching a movie last night and now the light was pouring in on me. The reality hit me, like it does daily, that I was leaving in such a short time. 4 days. After me and Kaley oohed and awed over her graduation present(a new laptop), she drove me home. Saying,'See you at the airport' wasn't the funnest goodbye either! Gonna miss her this summer.






When I got home, Bailey and Ginny informed me that I was in the newspaper. I laughed and asked them what they were talking about. Mom explained that she had gotten an issue of The Florida Baptist Witness "newspaper" in the mail today. There was an article about the 2008 summer missionaries working through the Southern Baptist Convention. The magazine is sent out to different churches for prayer. It is incredible to know people are praying for you. I am so grateful for prayer. It's giant for me more now than ever. I can say that I appreciate it more than I ever have before.
Hey, there were 63 of us trained at the end of March. Alot of the kids I met over the weekend already left for other countries. If you are praying for me, please pray for them when you think about it as well.
I can't wait to get on that plane Tuesday! So excited.












Thursday, May 29, 2008

Just five

Last night was my last night in the youth group. I knew it might be emotional for me leaving and all, but I had no idea to what extent. I was holding back tears all through the songs, and then through Aaron's message on prayer, and then he asked me to come forward and the leaders and the seniors stood around me and prayed for me on my trip.Once the tears started, I cried the whole time. I didn't even try to suppress it. I felt so touched by the whole expierence. Wow. I haven't ever been prayed for like that. It was exactly what I needed. I thought about the people surrounding me..I am lucky to know you all. Thanks, Aaron and to evryone who prayed. Thank you. I know I cried, but it wasn't because I was sad, nessacarily. I mean I have never been so touched. Alright, I am about to change the subject because it's that or cry again. But, just wanted to let you know how huge it was for me.

Kaley is graduating tonight. I am so excited for her and proud of her. Kaley and I have been friends for a long time and I know she is gonna leave soon for college...alright, this is turning into the most depressing blog ever. I will miss her. She is gonna do great things, I can feel it. Excited for her. Alot of bittersweet times lately. Geez.

Okay, well, I have just five days. I won't lie, even though I am leaving all I know here in the US, my excitement is mounting for what is to come. Inside I have peace about the trip. God is so good. All day long I have been singing this little chorus we do at church sometimes.

Be at rest, be at rest once more
O my soul, for the Lord has been good
Be at rest, be at rest once more
O my soul, o my soul
Be at rest once more
For the Lord has been good to you

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

SIX DAYS REMAINING!




I am finally, after one of the longest days I have had yet, packed. Packed. It sounds good. I lack some freezedried meals that I need, but the rest is all in the duffle. Today we drove all around town picking up all kinds of items I needed-medicines, camping equipment, shoes, clothes..the list goes on. I figured out we were missing my malaria prescription so we had to drive across town to get it! I have so many different meds with me and prescriptions! I have actually turned into a walking pharmacy...or a druggie, take your pick!

I had to buy durable shoes today that could hold up through whatever. I ended up with these shoes from Wally world that make me look like a Philistine. I feel like the Gladiator when I wear them. It's pretty thrilling. I only have seven-wait- six days until I leave. I cannot sleep! I am steady thinking about the Philippines. A couple nights ago I had a dream that I when I came back I brought a little kid who I fell in love with on the island! hope that was just a dream..ahhh!!!

Anyways, I have purchased literally everything you could ever need on a camping trip-including a sleeping mat which is currently taking up 90 percent of my dufflebag. I guess it is important though=) I am so grateful for the people who gave me funds or I wouldn't of been able to shop today! Thanks so much. Ready to go where people haven't heard of Him! This is my dream.





Going away sneaks....


Well, I am gonna miss my sisters. I leave in a week. Geez.
Tonight, as Bailey and Ginny were headin to bed they asked me to read them a bedtime story. I agreed. They picked out this book about a Japanese girl leaving America in the wake of Pearl Harbor. This had no real relevance to me, but when I read about the girl looking for the last and final time at all she loved in her country I started tearing up. I looked at Bailey and Ginny and that really sent me over the edge. I will miss them so much.
Then, I decided even though they had been told to go to bed, we should stay up and relish in the final days of being together. Over the years, this trick has been our favorite. Mom and Dad say to go to bed and we quietly sneak out of bed and make dessert, take pictures, try not to laugh out obnoxiously. Good memories. Tonight was most likely our last "sneak"(Baileys word for various, exciting disobediences) for awhile.
The icecream truck has finally begun playing its music down our streets(Dad used to tell us that if the song played they were out of icecream!). While I was gone Sunday, the girls rode the golfcart down to it and bought themselves and me Screwballs. This blue icecream sherbet type snowcone looking thing with a big gumball at the bottom. My favorite since childhood. I have been so busy with my trip these days I didn't have a chance to eat it. Well, for our final "sneak" we tiptoed past bedtime to the freezer and snuck the blue goodies. Very dangerous, I know.=) Bailey and Ginny thought it was. Especially, when we snapped that tasty pic up top and I promised to have it 'published' on my blog. They crack me up. They couldn't stay awake another second, even to see the finished blog with their pic. They just turned in.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Eight

I know you are tired most likely of reading about my trip all the time. But heres the thing-I have never seen miracles happen to me(besides Jesus saving me) until now. Any day I am struggling with money, anxiety and all the little things that stress me out concerning my mission trip, God works.All that I could share I have about his miracles in my life thus far. I made up my mind a couple months ago that I would share every expierence of God doing what He does before, during ,and after the summer. He is perfect. I have to share this stuff, you know? As small as a dufflebag and as large as a plane ticket-my heart burns with passion for a Saviour who sends me across the world with the ultimate message of love and tends to every detail along my way. The joy of knowing your life is in His hands. Even when you have little money and little talent or confidence. He works it out, you guys. Miracles. He still does them. He is the same God today who switched water to wine.

That was merely the disclaimer for the next miracle I must share with you. Maybe its not water to wine, but I am praising anyway.

As I said in the last blog, I didn't have the money I needed for all the things I had to buy-including fifteen freeze-dried meals which are too much for their own good. God had provided a large sum of money for me on Wednesday night already(you know who you are and I love you so much and thank you!) This lightened my load a huge bit and I praised God. However, once my dufflebag got ruined and I counted the cost for mosquito netting and other things I realized I was about 100 dollars short. (The duffle replacement being at least 50$.)To make matters worse, the shopping day comes and I race into my Moms room(ready to go and see how God is gonna provide the money I need) and she is so sick with a migraine she cannot speak. I sigh. What is the deal, God? I have to get this stuff before I go and my trip is almost here. Do You know what You are doing? Yeah, he does, Kaylee. Poor Mom felt bad all day and just recovered this afternoon actually. I have been discouraged. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to buy the essential things I needed for the trip. I knew unless a check came in for me...well, same old story-it could mean alot of negative things. Waiting on something miraculous, I just kept hoping.

I hung out in the 2's and 3's this (Sunday) morning with Kaley. She told me that a lady gave her a check to give to me when she dropped off her child in the nursery. I smiled knowingly. Thanks, God. He is so good. I could just continually brag on him and scream at the top of my lungs His glory and shout aloud how He saved me and sent me...yup. This is gonna be a great summer. Oh, yeah,the check was for a 100$. =)

Friday, May 23, 2008

TEN

I cannot sleep. It is 1 am. I just glanced at the clock and realized that I now have ten days before I leave. I have had trouble sleeping for the last three or four days. Just thinking, contemplating, waiting. I am a complete dichotomy these last few days. I feel at peace one minute and then the next I get a sick feeling in my stomach. In a way,this trip, this location has, at times, been my own proverbial Ninevah. Sure, I want to do this with all my heart and will do this with all my heart, but fear overtakes sometimes and I question my ability and my nerve and my sanity. I have made up my mind a couple times since being accepted that I couldn't and wouldn't do this. But, then, God would whisper and send someone along with a check, or an encouraging word. One friend of mine said sighns like these only confirmed that I am walking in the center of God's will. That in itself is terrifying, somehow. Center of God's will. Sounds like a book or something.

I am constantly thinking of this summer. Being without the safety net of family and friends I have always had. Missing my family, the youth group...but, I have been given a gift. The gift of being placed by God in a situation where I can only rely on God. For that I am thankful.

Thinking about surrender. Putting your whole existence into the hands of Christ and just saying,"You could destroy me or exalt me, make me wealthy or poor, bless me or curse me, but I am completely at Your mercy.You are my God and I am your servant. Take me. Use me." To make a statement like that, not with mere confession, but with your life..that is surrender. My goal for the trip is to be able to see at the end that I am a smidge closer to that kind of legendary thought.

Guess I am going to go to sleep now. I am going shopping tommorro for all of my trip stuff. I don't have right now all the money I need for the things I have to buy- God will do what he always does if I need whatever the items are that out of the price rage. Pray for clearance. Oh, and Baileys little chihauhau chewed a hole in my dufflebag. So, thanks, Dusty.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

13 days and counting...

13 days. I can't even believe it. Yesterday I got my E-ticket from the travel agent. This is for real. Just a few months ago I was sweating it out about whether or not I'd get accepted to Nehemiah Teams. And now I am less than two weeks away and can already tell- this summer is gonna change everything. There are only a few things left to do before I go and all the major prep stuff is behind me. I am actually going. It has been my dream for almost ever(it feels like) to work overseas for God. Now, I am gonna do it. I have names of all of my team members and my team leader now. Today, for the pure excitement of it, I clicked back onto the website that started this crazy trip-http://www.nehemiahteams.com/

I remember how in the beginning of Jan. I realized I was a junior in highschool and it really freaked me out. I wanted to find a great college and do semester missions, hopefully. Then someone told me about JourneyMan, an two-year missions program overseas. I was curious and googled it(I google everything). That led me to the IMB's website. After reading everything possible about JourneyMan, I was disappointed. The program looked fantastic, but you had to be 21. 'Geez,' I thought, 'I am gonna hafta wait five years?' But, on that page, I saw something about summer ministry in the Philippines. Nehemiah teams- a two-month project to spiritually rebuild areas on the Pacific Rim. Rendezvous with destiny? Sweet.

Looking back on that day, I realize it has been God's plan for me to find that website. For me to harass my parents into letting me apply. For me to get accepted to the team I had prayed I would get accepted in. For me to obtain all the funds I need to go. For me to spend nineteen hours over the Pacific Ocean. For me to spend this summer finding out what it is really like to be a missionary to another country.

Right now, I am hoping God reveals to me who I need to ask to be my five prayer warriors for the summer. People who will pray for me everyday after I leave and while I am there. The IMB suggests you pick specific persons to pray consistently over the summer for your ministry and you. It will give me comfort to know at least those five are praying. And of course I know God will hear from my Dad and Mom quite often over the summer. =) 13 days and counting...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

SWEET CORN!!!

So, Round 3 encephalitis shot is done. No anaphalactic reactions yet. Maybe there won't be one. However, the spot around the where the shot stuck me is raised like a goose egg off my arm and it hasn't done that before(with the other shots in the series). It is very hot around the area as well, like a fever is around it. Also, because my shot series was expedited, my immune system is all whack. I sweat, I get chills, headaches, bodyaches, lowgrade fevers...ew. All mild symptoms, though, compared to the other thing. I am feeling okay as long as I steady dose myself on 800 ml of Advil every six hrs. I am a druggie now it seems. (I just realized how personal I am becoming in my blogs. I don't know if its interesting or not, but I am enjoying typing it. I wanna blog about evrything that happens! That's why I need to get a cellular so I can Twitter..)

Okay, gotta another Godstory! God has been blowing my mind. He is a huge, powerful God. But, He takes time for me. I am an inconsistent, untrusting, stuttering, tripping,terrified child. But, he puts His hand in the middle of my life and shows me who He is. I am left with no choice but full surrender.

I have had a bad couple of days. My question was"Is this trip going to happen??" I felt tricked by God. How could He lead me to think it was His will and then snatch His hand away? My trip was going wonderful and then- my travel plans fall through! My parents- anxious to the point of saying negative on the whole summer. What would I say to those who had sent me support? How could I trust Him after this letdown? I called the travel agent that morning and hadn't gotten any word back. I needed a price and an iteniary. But, especially, I needed to know whether or not I could have a flight partner for most of the trip. If she said no...



I layed out in the yard today and cried out to Him. Tears fell. I told Him I was scared. Scared of it all. Then, I heard Emily(my neice who is here to visit) coming over to me. She asked me to take her inside my Grandma's house. I reluctantly hefted myself off the ground and grabbed her hand. I felt like going to sleep and my head hurt. Plus, I had been trying to pray this situation out. But, we went inside anyways. I plopped down on the couch and was quiet. Emily played with the dog on the porch. Then Grandma's phone rang. She looked up from the table where she was cutting fruit. "It is probably telemarketers" she sighed"They have been bugging me all day..but go on and answer it I guess". I picked it up. "Hello?"To my complete surprise,a sweet familiar voice was on the other line asking for Kaylee! My Grandma doesn't know anyone I know besides those in our family. I didn't get it. The lady on the line said because our family's phone was disconnected, she had searched for another number for me. This is what she came up with. The lady on the other end of the phone, a member of Promiseland, had recieved a support letter from me. She said she was writing me a check for 100$ and wanted to know how to mail it! I almost cried-again. But, I was too thrilled this time. Coincidence that I was at the right place at the right time? Nope.



After that great pickmeup(thank you to to the woman who donated,if your reading this-you rock!) I ran home rejoicing. Whooping and hollering. Don't be shocked,but, God had another goldnugget nestled in my email inbox!! A few hours after the first good time, I refreshed my Hotmail and hoped that I would recieve an email from the travel agent. Though, part of me dreaded what it may hold. Then, in black and white, there was my price, iteniary..and a personal message. I sped over it and then jumped from the computer chair! The only flight I will be solo on is the plane from Jax to Dallas(not a long ride). In Dallas, I meet up with a girl from Nehemiah teams! Oh, and if God couldn't get any better, he outdid Himself you guys!! Not only is she on Nehemiah teams, but guess where she will serve this summer- all summer? Camotes island! With me on Camotes island! Though I am unfaithful, he remains Himself. He doesn't change. He is good. I feel silly and giddy and like a little kid right now. Going to work with Dad!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Yesterday I found out that I cannot arrive earlier in the Philippines. It makes sense why not. The IMB is training the team leaders for a couple of days before their teams show up. I am not a team leader, so it does make sense why I don't belong in that training.
But,that means I will at least have to fly in the States alone. Hopefully, I will meet some fellow Nehemiah teammates at the LAX airport layover and have companions on my looong international flight but I'll be flying solo literally in the USA. My parents are concerned about the whole thing...okay, maybe me too. Plus, on top of that, this means I am back at square one when it comes to travel agents and iteniaries. Now I leave on a completely different date: June 3rd. (Though, don't make a note of the date, because who knows when that might change again!!)

I feel jetlagged and I haven't even stepped on the plane yet. Not that everything has been negative this week- I have been worried I wouldn't have money to buy a brandnew dufflebag to bring to the Island( a suitcase really wouldn't work out). Well,I went to the City Rescue Mission thrift store yestreday to look around. That place is a goldmine! I looked at the luggage and found a huge duffle bag for four dollars!! It is just the size I need and doesn't look too bad over the old shoulder either. Plus, I got to tell the thrift store ladies about my trip!

Also, I had another Yard Sale today. It was so hot I thought I was gonna spontaneously combust a couple times. I sold the last of Kelly's stuff from last week and Tracy donated alot of items today that sold as well. Thanks, ladies! Oh, and I met this family who was from Haiti.The mom, the daughter, and the grandmother bought three bags of clothes. I struggled talking with them,as they had a thick accent and knew only some English, but I finally figured out that the Mom was going to bring most of these clothes back to the unfortunate in Haiti! I told her about my mission trip. I wanted to make sure she was understanding, so I spoke very loud. Quick tip- Increasing volume does not make people who don't speak your language understand what your saying. Glad I figured that out before I shouted at a Filipino this summer. I just thought that it was interesting how they paid me for my trip to the Pacific Rim and that money bought clothes to help with their trip to Haiti. Who knew I would have a crosscultural expeirence at my yard sale!

Last set of shots Monday, whoo-hoo!! Waiting for the plane ticket situation to clear up. I heard a preacher say that not many people talk about the "jagged edge of ministry". Basically, the part they don't tell you about. The stuff that isn't exciting. It's just following Him daily. I don't know what this air travel dilemma is gonna do to strengthen my faith, but maybe this is the jagged edge part.

Friday, May 9, 2008

The wrench

Yesterday, I found the setback I was waiting on(when I wrote that I knew it was a jinx!!). My flying partner,Jessica, has to be in the Philly on June 2nd for leader training, while I don't have to be there until June 5th. Neither of us had any idea we were supposed to be there at different times until we met yesterday. The issue at hand is if I am not allowed to get there early obviously I will have to fly alone. I have been trying to get in touch with the IMB all day to check and see if it would be possible for me to arrive earlier. Mom and Dad are saying no on the thought of me in a plane for 19 hours by myself and going through airports and customs by myself...I can't say I am dying to do that either.
However, even though that small black cloud loomed over, we went ahead and contacted different travel agents and set up flights for June 2nd-but we haven't bought tickets yet because of the issue. I am hoping I can just leave earlier and that I will have a place to stay when I get there. Only time will tell. If I did leave earlier, I would depart from the States on May 31st. Which gives me about three weeks left here in the good ole USA. I can't say I am upset that the trip is bumped up-just excited. I did get a little weepy last night thinking of my departure, but I am over it today. Just excited.Ready to do this already. So, thats the news. I will update as things change-and they will.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Gettin down to business

..I am about to head out to meet up with my friend Jessica at Panera. I met her at Missions Training. She is flying out of Jacksonville, as well. We are trying to figure out who will be our travel agent and purchase our tickets today. I have absolutely no idea what I am doing when it comes to air travel. I've flown to Mexico twice and thats it. (Once when I was like seven and then again last January- my flight partners were Tommy Mallard and Don Blanton. I felt safe.)

Anyways, Jessica has been to Beijing and other parts of Asia before so, she has flown alot more than me -which is positive. Both of our moms are coming too which makes me laugh. Should be a good time.
It feels like the trip might actually happen. I am more excited than ever right now. I am gonna blog when I get home on how the afternoon went down. I am hoping tickets will be successfully bought and things will just go smoothly. I am mainly nervous that we get a good travel agent and hook up with a good airline. Me and Jessica will be flying 18 hrs there and back, not counting layovers, so its a long time to be up in the air. Trying to trust Him on today...

Monday, May 5, 2008

Round 2

I made it out okay again. Thanks, God. I had peace today pretty much. I was just happy that I had the money to pay for the shot! My Dad called while we were getting off on Eight street and said he had been praying for me. That in itself meant alot(It always gives me comfort to hear someone say I am praying for you and mean it).
After arriving in the parking garage, we found out the Clinic's electricity was off. So, because the elevators were down for the count we had to climb three flights of stairs to the office(found out I'm defintely out of shape-who'd of thought?) This time it was full. The place was dark besides light peeking through the window's blinds and it was HOT. The people inside were sweating. Luckily, right after the travel specialist saw me she took me back in the 'room' . It was kind of like my personal horror movie- dark, hot, and needles everywhere. The lady warned me again about the risk of the shot again-like I had forgotten. She said I would have to be watched in office for thirty minutes after the shot was given in case of the reaction. With that said she poked my arm underneath in the same place as last time. It felt about the same. Then I went out into the office and sweated it out for the allotted time. While doing so, Mom paid for the shot with the miracle money and explained the whole story to the frontdesk lady. She told us she was a Christian and had been on a few missions trip herself back when she was younger. God has people everywhere!
Overall, the day was successful. No drama, besides the heavy exercise and sweating. =) I go back sooner than I thought, one week. Maybe I won't blog about that one too in depth ,though, as much as I'd like to, I have a feeling people don't wanna read another detailed shot blog from me. I might anyways though, who knows!
Oh, random thought-I purchase my plane ticket Thursday afternoon with my flight buddy if all goes as planned. I am so ready to get that huge detail behind me. Things seem to be falling into place smoothly. I keep waiting for a huge setback, but God is blessing me so far.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Ok, I just gotta write about what happened this weekend!

The family and I decided last minute to sell all the accumalated garbage we had in our house at a yard sale outside in the backyard over the weekend. Mom told me we'd make it a benefit and whatever we made I could use to further my trip. My hopes weren't too high because I mean it is a yard sale on a Friday(Sat. we had plans so that was out) and people are out to get something for nothing and I can't blame them either(that seems to be the yard sale's mission statement! Gettin something for nothing!). But, hey, if all I got was a dollar that'd be one more to add, right?

Before I get ahead of myself, I want to tell you about the support I was most worried about raising at the time. The shots I got last week, that I blogged about a little while ago, were going to be 535$ for only two shots! The clinic said I could pay in three payments. Basically, to finish out the immunazations I have to visit two more times and pay them or I don't get the shot completed-which would be bad. The first payment is taken care of already, but I was prayin that God would provide the next two payments for the shots. The amount I owe Monday for the next round is 140$. The next amount I owe in two weeks for the third and final visit is 140$ also.

Anyways, Thursday night, I hung out with Kelly and we made yard sale sighns until 3am-they looked fantastic! She also donated seven bags of clothes! Then Friday came and after we set things up, the crowds came and went all day(including these two ladies who got into a knock down dragout fight over a dehumidifier we were selling! ahhh!) At 2pm, the money count was 80$! I was happy about that but still had no idea what I would do Monday without the right amount. A couple hours later we weren't much past that so I went outside to start closing down and putting up stuff. Just as I began to do that, Grandma ,as she told me later,was praying over at her house that the rest of the money would come in for me. She said that when she looked up from her prayer, there were three cars stopped! I did business and sold things for the next hour straight! People kept showing up. At 4pm I went in to count the money for the days complete earnings. To my surprise, I had 145$ in my hand! The next series of shots and five lunch items off the Mcd's dollar menu! Yeah, God!

But, its not over! That night after a shower I rode over to Westside with my Grandma and all four siblings to see Team Impact. After watching feats of strength for two hours(one guy broke two baseball bats in half!) and watching a bunch of people come to Christ during the invitation, I got up to leave and head for the car with the family. Just so happened that as I was fixing to walk out the door, I ran into someone from our church. She had gotten my support letter for the trip. She talked to me for a minute about it and then said she would just go ahead and write me a check and give it to me. When she was done, she handed me the check. I slipped it into my purse, thanked her, and walked out to Grandma's car. I waited until I got in and buckled to look at the the check. Then, my eyes filled with tears and I started laughing and crying(just a peice of advice, don't try both at the same time-it produces snot from the nostrils). The check was written to Kaylee Daniels for the amount of 140$!!! Which of course was the amount I needed in full for all of my shots for the next three weeks!! God is real! I was like,He knew exactly how much money I needed and how to give it to me! He really does want this to happen and he sees me and hears my prayers and loves me and geez, just overload! So, thats about it=) I will blog about Monday and how the shot went and if I go into shock or not. Hopefully not, but I am not nervous anymore. I am starting to see God can take care of the seemingly impossible odds tossed at me, whether it be lack of funds for different things or anaphalactic shock!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

1 John 4:18

"After thousands hours of prayer and meditation over the intervening years, I can state unequivocally that childlike surrender in trust is the defining spirit of authentic discipleship. And I would add that the supreme need in most of our lives is often the most overlooked-namely, the need for an uncompromising trust in the love of God"-Brennan Manning(my favorite author)

I want my life to actually count for God. I want this summer to count for God. Of all the fears I have, my main one is that I will take this life, namely this summer- as its approaching so soon, lightly. What if someone is changed by God's grace through what I say or do?(I think I say the word "grace" in every blog, oh well)Whether that someone is positively changed or negatively changed. What I say and how I act is huge all the time, but I am convicted especially to clean up my act because it could aid in changing someones mind about Jesus in the Philly. I know that either my actions will attract them to Him or turn them away.

With that said, I have been thinking alot lately about what exactly I will say to them as I share God's gospel. I read Paul's notes on the thought of teaching the gospel and he said he came just as he was and "preached Christ and Him crucified", no fancy words or fluff. Just God is love, He sent His Son, place your trust in Him. Paul touched me when he said at first he couldn't talk that well but he kept going anyway and let God do it through him.(He would. That guy lived crazy Venti!!)
Have you ever thought what God has called us to say to the lost- specificly? Our testimony of love and trust in Him, of course. In order to share this message of trust with the world, I want to make sure my personal trust is huge in this loving God. I am always questioning whether I have the right view of God so when He calls me to speak into others lives, I am telling them absolute truth. And that it is truth I have uncovered through His Word for myself, not that I have just been told.

Perfect love casts out fear. That is what I want to do this summer and pretty much my life, through actions and words. Cast out fear with God's redeeming,life-changing,tear-jerking, unbelievable love.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Thoughts on shots...

I woke up this morning, rolled over,opened my eyes, then sat up straight in bed. "Ugghh, today is needle day", I said to myself. I was scheduled for an appointment with a travel medicine specialist downtown at 9:30. Needless to say, I was slightly anxious. But, I had already had a few pinpricks to the bicep a couple weeks before at my doctors office. Not fun, but no big deal. These particular shots were a little different- for one thing they are very expensive(God provided the money for the first installment about ten minutes before we left, no joke) and the immunization center is downtown in the middle of a huge Veteran medical clinic.
When we arrived at the clinic, there were alot of old veterans with wrinkly tattoos on thier arms and hats with badges on them standing around all throughout the place. They stared at me and Mom like, what are you doing here?? We went up five floors on an elevator to a small office with a few chairs inside. Maps of the world blanketed the walls and while I waited I scanned them for my destination country absentmindedly. Soon, a colorful character emerged through a door and beckoned me into her office. There, she sat me and Mom down and first asked me about the trip and my age and the conditions in which I would be staying. After a few cracks on her part about my eating mainly rice and sleeping in tents, we got to the good stuff.

She told me I for sure needed a Typhoid shot. Then I asked her about the second shot I had written down called Japanese Encephalitis, carried by mosquitos. This was when she dropped an unexpected bomb. She told me all about the virus and how one in every four cases of the virus are fatal(people die basically) and how common it is when you are outdoors in a rural area overseas. I was like ok, whatever, stick me!!
However, the shot, is only given at high-risk to the patient because it causes an anafallactic shock commonly in the first thirty minutes after recieving it! Also, she informed me I am at higher risk for this sort of reaction because of a cell disorder I have had since I was little. The whole conversation was stressful and she said she would have to expedite the shots and give them to me closer together because I am leaving so soon. I would wait till the last minute!!Procrastinator!! This basically put me at even greater risk for this whole reaction bit. I almost finked out, but Mom was really awesome and brave about the whole thing and told me I would be fine and that it wouldn't be good if I didn't get the shot because what could happen and you know Mom stuff...so, I agreed to get poked.
The lady brings out a Epipen in case of the reaction before she gets out the shot and shows me how to use it(in case the reaction happens after we leave). I was terrified and began reconsidering this shot business. Typhoid came first and then right after she put in the odd one right below it. i breathed heavy and prayed(I think) nad waited for my lungs to close...they didn't. I was so nervous for the next thirty minutes while the lady drilled me about travel safety and kept asking me if I felt 'ok'. After the time passed she warned me that for the next month I would have to carry an Epipen becuase for ten to fouteen days after the shot you can get the reaction, theres just a smaller chance. So, for all my melodrama, it went fine.

But, the thought is that I have to go through the same process next week with the same chances and risks and then again two weeks after that. So, jokes aside, I am mildy nervous about that. God will take care of me, this I know( so don't put that your comment-just kidding!) I fully realize this fact. I am not doubting Him and I feel fairly confident for next week since I survived the first set with ease. I am actually just ready for the shot stuff to be done and for time to pass quicker so I can get on that plane!!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Training-I feel Philippino already!

Okay..training..wow..there is so much I wanna say about it. First off, swell weekend! I was scared that I was so underqualified and just too young and you know the whole bit...But, after the weekend I felt more confident that maybe I could make it thru...I met a guy who was a native Philippino(he is gonna minister somewhere else this summer though which I thought was awesome) and he told me that the people on Camotes are incredibly friendly. He said they love to get all up in your personal bubble and are just sweet people(Chelsey Reinhardt Island). He said they are receptive to the Gospel but just as in America some choose religion over Jesus. The first night we played a game called cultural bingo and broke the ice between everyone through the game. We talked about how our worldviews could be wrong and how we should be completely open to other cultures if we expect them to be open to our message. Never had that thought before then. (One girl I met smiled and put her hands in prayer position and did a quick bow for me while I looked down at my empty hand ready for a shake. She said she is spending two months in India this summer and was trying to practice some of the things they do now.) Then we prayed over different regions of the world in different groups all together out loud. It sounded like a swamp, but the cool thing was I wasn't at all intimidated and I found myself praying like I do in my own bedroom. God worked, because for some reason I feel awkward praying in front of people normally. then we paired off with one other person and were told to pray facing eachother, for each other, with our eyes open looking at eachother. Me and an amazing girl Sara went outside and prayed under a wooden cross just sitting on the grass and looking up at the stars. I have never felt more grace and wonder and awe. God just loves me and I don't deserve it, but He does. Sara's prayer was touching. She looked into my eyes and asked for God's protection for me. While I prayed for her, I asked Him if he would give us funds for our trips and I felt a weird sense of peace come over me. As I looked up at the cross I felt paid for. I told Sara what my thought was and she said she felt the same way and both of us felt assurance that money was not an issue God couldn't work out. I will never forget that night- when we prayed for the world and each other and sat under the stars and the cross.
The next day we learned alot about Culture shock and how it might affect us while we are over there. I hadn't even given that thought either so to hear about how to cope was probably good for me. Plus, a former journey'woman' taught us. She had gone with the IMB to India for TWO years. Her stories were so neat. I could write an entire blog on just those.Some legendary stuff.
Then that afternoon for lumch we all were corraled into a little house on the beach and given numbers. The numbers represented different tables of food. High class, middle class, lower class, poverty tables. Big shocker, I got seated at the poverty 'table', which was actually a rug on the floor. Our table description said,"You are at the lowest class table-In Poverty. Eat what is given and then you may choose whether you will beg from those more fortunate or not". we were given a giant bowl of rice with no seasoning or butter and told to dig in. While getting a handful with the rest of everyone in poverty, I had to watch people being served fried chicken, Cokes, and mashed potatoes at the highclass table. Once I realized the rice was gross and I was still hungry (and thirsty) I begged. But, when I did the 'waiters' screamed at me and told me to get back. At the end of the meal all the leftover food and drink from other tables were put in one five-gallon bucket and served to us. Needless to say, I learned alot about what it must be like to be in real poverty.
The rest of the afternoon we spent doing a five-hr Survivor training(glad that rice stuck to the ribs). We worked in teams on the beach mainly and had to fish, catch crabs, build a fire using a few things only, and also build a sandcastle to cover the entire firepit with three levels and four turrets in each level. It was so much fun, even if our team didn't win. I learned how to cast a net for fish(a big net too). Did I actually catch one? Nope. But cast it in the water? Oh, yeah.
After that, we got snack and then were given a gracious eating challenge in a circle with a missionary wacthing us try different countries foods. I ate dried tofu,jackfruit, other random stuff, and the worst, a dried sardine-get this-with an eyeball!!! However, I was told I looked at the little guy too long before actually eating it. He was looking at me too.
That last night we watched a video on tribal missions called Etow. I cried when we watched an entire village in Papau New Guina come to Christ. Then we filled the night with worship by a bonfire on the beach.
The next day we were prayed over and 'commissioned' by the local church. After, I had a few tearful goodbyes, but some of the people I grew close to are headin to the Philippines so I will see them again, but still. All the kids had a real heart for missions and none seemed to care that I was the ultimate rookie out of everybody. Great times, but just pray that God will continue to stregthen me. At the risk of sounding paranoid, I have felt an intense battle for my affections and plans lately and just darts thrown at me by the devil. He does not want me to be on fire or hyped for God,the Saviour. I am trying to stay strong but spiritually I know things are gonna get rough and I am feeling it now. I am a young person, now with God, and hoping to share Him with Camotes this summer. Satan doesn't like it and I totally feel that, so just pray for God's protection and grace in a big handful. I need it. But, I am pumped about the summer and trying to trust God on everything and the suffiency of grace.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Freakin out!!

Well, I have been packing all day-or trying to, anyways. I am leaving for missions training tommorro morning. I am very excited about the stuff I am gonna learn and the opportunity and the whole caboodle... but getting pretty nervous as we speak. I have pulled out every encouraging sermon and verse from the bible to pep me up about the trip. Right now I can't believe I am even awake because the day has been draining. I feel like a mad contradiction right now. Between feeling like Moses(I can't even talk right, God!) and then remembering that God made man's mouth. It is now more than ever that the bible touches me in a giant way. God has brought to mind a million situations of nervous, trembling disciples being called to greatness but scared to death. I feel God's call, but part of me puts up a wall of lame excuses of why I am not capable. Luckily, the other part of me is on board. I've been reading alot of the book of Joshua. Specifically the verse that goes,'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go'. So fitting. Anyways, I feel like this blog has been all over the place and it should probably end before I stop making any sense at all. I shouldn't blog this late..or this early, however you wanna call it...

Monday, March 24, 2008

Legendary prayer

I've discovered a gem of a prayer in the little-read book of I Chronicles. I actually wasn't reading through the book or anything(the lists of the tribes don't really speak to my heart) but you've probably heard about the Prayer of Jabez book series. Well, I had too, but I didn't know what it was all about or if it was even in the bible. well, I started reading one of the books from the series. That's where I read the passage. I'm pretty sure its verses 9 and 10 of 1 Chronicles 4. I figured I'd go ahead and put in the blog.

'Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.'

It seems like God is always using little people who pray big prayers. I love that about God. He would answer the man whose name means pain. I realize the legendary series is over, but it was such a good thought I keep dwelling on it. I feel like that's all Jabez is praying. He is saying, "Dear God, let me be legendary for You."

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Have God. Will travel.

So, I haven't blogged in an age and a half! I wanted to tell you guys whats been going lately- even though I think most everybody knows about it already... I put in my application awhile ago for an all-summer mission trip to the Phillippines. About three weeks ago I found out I was accepted to go (with the International Mission Board) to Camotes Island, Phillippines for 55 days on tent ministries through out that area. The people group is largely Catholic(or claim to be) and there are very few christians living there. Of course, I am excited..but scared stiff! Have you ever come to the point where you realize no matter how much money, time, or ability you may have or lack, without Jesus' power none of it counts for anything? Like that hymn goes, 'Without Him, I could do nothing. Without Him, I'd surely fail. Without Him, I would be drifting, like a ship without a sail'. Just so ya know, I just sang those lines out loud. =) I've read about all these brave missionaries and then I look at myself and I'm like, "Jesus, you got the wrong girl!" Then I think about that whole legendary series and how God loves the ordinary, but even that provides small comfort at this point! In alot of ways,though, I can see God changing my self-discouragement into dependence on Him. Wanna hear something funny? Before I got saved I was overall confident I could go anywhere or do anything on my own strength and be lovely; and now I feel like I can do nothing on my own strength. In fact, my latest question has been 'What strength??' I guess I now see myself as I really am. My God is big, but I am small. My God is fearless, I am trembling. My God is complete, I am lacking. I don't have a cool way to end this blog, so I just wanna ask you guys to pray for me and the trip and the people and all of it. I realize now how important prayer actually is and how bad I need it and am gonna need it while I am gone. Ok, that is pretty much it... I'm gonna try not to wait years before I blog again....

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Saved

Alright, well, here goes...I'll start at the beginning. I write nervously but with a glad heart tonight. For the last three or four months I have secretly, but horribly been doubting my salvation. I had gotten "saved" when I was 11 and hadn't really grown for the first few years. Then at 13 I came to PLBC. I was uneasy in giving my testimony and doubted when I first came and joined. But, the youth was great and I didn't really take the messages seriously at first. Then, I began to do things to distract me from facing the burning in my heart and became calloused to conviction. I tried to do as many works as possible to please God. This seemed to satisfy me even though inside I knew anything less than Jesus wouldn't work. I began doing devotions for hours at a time, in an effort that God would be pleased. I learned alot about the bible, but it wasn't until I read about Grace that I understood fully that works just aren't where salvation is at. That was on my heart when I wrote Religion vs. Grace a couple blogs ago. You see, I had fooled myself for so long. But, God kept sifting me. Tearing at my heart and breaking me. I kept wondering what people would think of me. Essentially, what you guys would think. But, on the 28th,it got so bad I was willing to pray whatever. I knew I needed Jesus and peace of spirit. But, still, as Jacob wrestled God all night, I had too and that was the hard part. Not saying the words, but surrending myself. I talked to my mom and she said to do what my heart was telling me. So, I went to my room- sobbing. I prayed my version of the sinners prayer and was truly humbled to the hypocrite I was in that moment. I won't say after I felt any weird like dove of Christ, but I felt incredibly peaceful and sleepy. 'Sleepy' probably makes it sound anticlimatic but if you knew how little good rest I had gotten lately it was a beautiful thing. I truly believe God came into my heart and that He saved me. I was terribly broken, but my wrestling days were over. Jesus says He will give people rest and He did. After I got up my thought wasn't what people might think but that I needed sleep!! I got my rest and am feeling pretty good now. I haven't told anyone but my family and my friend Kelly yet. She gave her testimony before her baptism tonight and I spoke with her afterwards. Her testimony was so similar to mine and it truly was God working through her right to me. I am ready to tell now. Still apprehensive, but overall, just glad I'm saved. No longer an enemy of the cross, but a friend.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Raw perserverance-be thou faithful unto death

I visited the Heartland nursing home a couple times this past week with my mom and the kids. Mainly, to visit a young man named Cantrell. And, yes, I said young man. Normally, the term 'nursing home' makes you think of elderly people who can't care for themselves anymore. Well, that is usually the case in most of the places like that. But, this particular man is in his mid-twenties. My mom stumbled upon him on one of her visits there a couple weeks ago. His story touched her heart. Cantrell was involved in a horrible car crash that fully paralyzed him about three or four years ago(we aren't sure exactly). He can't talk, move any limbs, his neck, or even his head to look at us. But, his mind still works fine. This level of human suffering is beyond what I've ever actually seen before I met him.When I walked in he shifted his eyes towards me and smiled at me. I could see the love of Jesus, past his injuries, right in his eyes. He nods his head slightly when he agrees with you and can sort of mouth words so my mom asked him about whether he knew Jesus or not. He just nodded and his face changed. We then sang some hymns and other praise songs we know to him. He closed his eyes and once tears fell down his cheeks. Though there are many tubes coming out of his throat and he can barely move, you can just see his heart is steadfast on Jesus. To be so young and so paralyzed and yet be so..saved. I don't know. You can do with Cantrell's story whatever you like, but for me I feel ashamed. I feel ashamed that I ask God to make life easier for me and yet there are those who cannot speak the prayer to ask Him. My studies on perserverance and consistency through troubled times seem laughable. I now see that maybe I've never had to taste trouble as I thought I had. With that shame, I also feel inspired to perservere because he can. Sometimes God brings us encouragement through another person and other times He gives us a wake-up call through somebody else. This guy was both of those for me. I realized in a moment the definition of perserverance. Though completely unglamorous, what a glorious thing to trust Jesus yesterday, today, and tommorro. I was talking to a friend one time and he said that you and God can get through anything together. This is true.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Religion vs. Grace

Lately I've been studying the topic 'Grace'. (naturally, since it feels like I need a buttload of it most of the time!!) When I was listening to a Relient K song the other day a line they sang stuck out to me. "The beauty of grace is it makes life not fair". The gospels are full of 'grace stories' as I call them. The woman at the well, the blind man, the paralyzed man and on and on. Reading these accounts of simple, perfect grace nearly brought me to tears at times. Jesus is grace personified for me, for all us. Not grace earned, but grace given. I can't hardly comprehend the grace of God. In my head I imagine the day Jesus was crucified and what heaven and hell must of looked like. The devil thrilled and jeering with his demons by his side looking down at Calvary. God's back turned to His beloved Son. I bet those three hours were dark in more ways than one. In that moment, all the godless religious practices and rituals of the world conquered the world, the disciples cried, Judas commited suicide, and Jesus was dead. I can't help but shudder at the dark time in history. But, then Easter happened. Ressurection happened. Grace happened. When I see people, even christians, so bent over by religion and restrictions and rules I wonder why Jesus died to set us free but still expects us to stick to legalistic views and judgmental attitudes? If we are free indeed then the only thing that should be fueling us to do works for God is our realization of His grace and our gratitude for that grace. Jesus didn't die so we could act like pharisees or sinners, He died so we could be saved. Bro. Kevin said one time at camp that God can't love us any more or less than He already does. God never asked us to be perfect, only to find His grace. What a beautiful thing that God could continue to love me the same way all the time no matter what I do, all because I've accepted His Son. After studying 'Grace' a little more I understand a little less. I realize I am ill-deserving of it and its power but somehow here I am engulfed by it. I can't explain grace at all, I can only say I feel it. The point is- don't let religion control you but be freed by conquering grace. Not so you can sin, but so you can show what's been so graciously shown to you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Disturbed

Before I say anything else, I'd like to share a story I read a couple days ago while doing some pleasure reading in my freetime(I'm homeschooled. That's what we do for fun, that and making our own clothes,memorizing chapters of the book of Leviticus, and oh don't forget to milk the cows!!). What I read really bothered me where I almost felt uncomfortable. The story tells of an act of humiliation, set in the years before World War 2 ,by Nazi storm troopers who had captured an elderly Jewish rabbi. They brought the man into headquarters, where in the back of the big room he was carried to, a fellow Jew was being beaten to death. As he watched this, the captors stripped him naked and forced him to preach the sermon he had prepared for the coming Sunday in the Synagogue.He asked if he could wear his yarmulke. The Nazi's saw it all as a joke and gladly gave it over ,mocking him even more. As he, trembling fearful, talked on about walking humbly with God, the Nazi's jeered his humiliated frame and had him turned to see the killing of his fellow Jewish neighbor while he spoke. After reading this, I had no idea at first what to take from it. Then, as I kept on reading, the author compared this naked, humiliated rabbi in front of horrid persecution to that of our Jesus, hanging on a cross.The Most High despised by the world. Jesus Christ being spit upon. Mocked to the point that we placed a painful joke of a crown on the Saviour's brow. The words 'King of the Jews' above His head as he suffocated. The flogging and the cries of hate. The spitting and strikes to the very face of God! How can we even understand the shame, the torture,the exucution of Jesus?A thought comes to mind-we know of love and we know of disturbance. But, do we know of love so great it disturbs us? If we know Jesus, we very well should. His love turned to sacrifice- of Himself for us. I challenge you to let the love of Jesus disturb you. Don't EVER get over what He did for you. Keep near the cross,thinking of his scarred hands often,His blood shed, and overall His disturbing love which was displayed thru the cross.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Here I am, Lord (a little-known legend)

Last night I really liked the new series starting in the youth about being legendary for God. For me, what I'm learning is, being legendary is simply being obedient. Uggh. That isn't a very fun,passionate, exciting word. Obedience.Submission.Humility.Legendary? My thought has always been to have a legendary life you must have an exciting ,adventureous life. Over in the book of Acts, beginning of chapter nine, Jesus does an extraordinary thing in the life of an ordinary man.I had never thought of this man too much until last night when I was trying to sort out what God considers legendary. You may think I'm speaking of Paul, but, no, not this time.(Verse ten) Jesus appears in a vision to a man sleeping peacefully in Damascus,"Ananias!" The man quickly jumps up and simply responds with this,"Here I am, Lord" Can you imagine while sleeping in your ordinary town, doing your ordinary service for God, and He speaks out loud to you? How would you answer? Then listen to what Jesus says next!!"Ananias, go down the street and go to the house of Judas and ask for a man named Saul...." Jesus goes on to explain to Ananias that he wants him to heal the blindness of a man named Saul's eyes and to have faith because Saul knows his name and that he will come to heal him. Ananias answers,"I have heard of him and his evil deeds to the christians. He has said he has authority to bind up anyone who calls on Thy name!!" But, if you keep reading you'll see, despite Ananias' fear that he couldn't obey, he did obey God and healed Saul's eyes. Afterwards, Saul was renamed Paul and he went on to write most of our New Testament!! My point being, I don't think he could've done what he did so well blind!! Jesus wants us to be legendary in His eyes. I doubt many people think of Ananias as a legend, but in God's eyes I'm sure he holds a high place. (Ananias did make the bible after all!!) I want to remember God isn't always gonna make us a legend in the eyes of men, but if we are obedient He will reward us. God can use our simple obedience and submission to accomplish great things for Him.