Saved

Alright, well, here goes...I'll start at the beginning. I write nervously but with a glad heart tonight. For the last three or four months I have secretly, but horribly been doubting my salvation. I had gotten "saved" when I was 11 and hadn't really grown for the first few years. Then at 13 I came to PLBC. I was uneasy in giving my testimony and doubted when I first came and joined. But, the youth was great and I didn't really take the messages seriously at first. Then, I began to do things to distract me from facing the burning in my heart and became calloused to conviction. I tried to do as many works as possible to please God. This seemed to satisfy me even though inside I knew anything less than Jesus wouldn't work. I began doing devotions for hours at a time, in an effort that God would be pleased. I learned alot about the bible, but it wasn't until I read about Grace that I understood fully that works just aren't where salvation is at. That was on my heart when I wrote Religion vs. Grace a couple blogs ago. You see, I had fooled myself for so long. But, God kept sifting me. Tearing at my heart and breaking me. I kept wondering what people would think of me. Essentially, what you guys would think. But, on the 28th,it got so bad I was willing to pray whatever. I knew I needed Jesus and peace of spirit. But, still, as Jacob wrestled God all night, I had too and that was the hard part. Not saying the words, but surrending myself. I talked to my mom and she said to do what my heart was telling me. So, I went to my room- sobbing. I prayed my version of the sinners prayer and was truly humbled to the hypocrite I was in that moment. I won't say after I felt any weird like dove of Christ, but I felt incredibly peaceful and sleepy. 'Sleepy' probably makes it sound anticlimatic but if you knew how little good rest I had gotten lately it was a beautiful thing. I truly believe God came into my heart and that He saved me. I was terribly broken, but my wrestling days were over. Jesus says He will give people rest and He did. After I got up my thought wasn't what people might think but that I needed sleep!! I got my rest and am feeling pretty good now. I haven't told anyone but my family and my friend Kelly yet. She gave her testimony before her baptism tonight and I spoke with her afterwards. Her testimony was so similar to mine and it truly was God working through her right to me. I am ready to tell now. Still apprehensive, but overall, just glad I'm saved. No longer an enemy of the cross, but a friend.