Rotten yet cradled

Our team is reaching the end of our journey. With a little over a month already gone, we find ourselves trying to push for the finish with all the heart we have. There is so much we would like to do in these next few weeks. The hardest part is figuring out how to do the things we need to do, and want to do, effectively and unified.

I would say,if I am being honest, that this past month or so has taught me more about how not to do ministry than anything else. It has taken so long it seems to figure out what works and what doesn’t. A lot of tripping and stumbling. One thing I can say I have learned I will illustrate through a story.

After our first True Love Waits seminar,I didn’t blog about these feelings, butI felt fairly confident I hadn’t said anything the students would remember or had even listened to at the time. I was scared to share my age because I knew some of the audience would be older than me and might realize how unqualified I was to be in front as teacher….like,oh, yeah, they send the twelve year old up there to tell us to keep our purity..whatever, what does she know? And I couldn’t argue with that..what did I know? I wrestled with that for days after. I even considered asking Matt to have somebody do my lesson for me. I felt like I had nothing to offer- as a highschooler myself with the same weaknesses and struggles and heartaches. Then, over vacation in beautiful Santiago Bay, I had one of those moments.You know the ones I mean, where something simple that you were blinded to becomes amazingly clear.(random example-when the disciples discovered that they ‘ought to obey God rather than men!!’ No, really,guys? But when it became in their face and personal, even a truth as simple as obedience to God seemed new and bizarre and phenomenal) It came after talking with an American who worked as a teacher in Korea and was vacationing for a few days in our resort. We were talking religion and church backgrounds. I told him my story and got the part where grace comes in and I fall on my knees. It was then, while explaining my testimony of grace, that I realized what I had been running from would find me no matter where I ran. I could ask to sit out on the lessons, I could pretend I am not sixteen, I could act like I knew what I was talking about, I could fake confidence, I could trick the students into thinking maybe I had never messed up and therefore seem more worthy to teach them…but that would mean I was a dirty liar.Actually, I AM terribley unqualified and I stutter. I am too young and I ramble. I am inexpierenced to say the least as a teacher and I run out of things to say. But the glorious moment when I realized my resimay was absolutely dreadful was the moment of spiritual rebirth I longed for. This Saturday I began the lesson with a game. Guess how old Kaylee is. Then I gave my testimony. God took away my pride. That changed everything. And that is grace in action. I am now certain my message is not how wonderful I am because of Christ..my message is how rotten I am, but how forgiving Christ is. Rotten, yet cradled in the very hand of a perfect God.